Great site, just a question about social expectations

[bosun120]

Hi Francis,

Just recently discovered your site (after doing some Google about the AT), and am enjoying reading about your adventures and general philosophy/musings about travel, humanity, and life. I was reading your article on how you can afford to travel, and I can totally understand your reasonings for this particular way of living (tho it isn't for everyone), but I was wondering how do you handle the social/parental challenges of living below your "expected" means, ie. how do you deal/communicate your meager living (even when earning a healthy salary) to friends, potential dates, co-workers, and/or family? Granted, a large part of your personal philosophy is "hike your own hike" and throw established dogma to the wind (and I wouldn't want to associate myself with people who have false initial impressions about you instead of getting to know you as a person either), but does this style ever take a toll on you socially-wise (and if so how do you deal with it)?

Thanks and good travels,

Bo, 25

PS. Feel free to move this if this is in the wrong forum.

[FrancisTapon]

Bo, that's a profound and excellent question!

You nailed an important issue. The external pressure to conform to society and match your standard of living with your peers and/or income level is enormous. Still, there are ways to minimize the toll it can have on your life:

* Surround yourself with like-minded people. If your friends criticize and refuse to accept the way you're hiking your own hike, then find new friends. Sometimes we evolve differently than our friends do and that's OK. They may get caught up in the rat race and you prefer something else. It's OK to drift away if they're discouraging you from living the way you want to live. It's easy to find new friends in the US since we're a relatively open society. Moreover, the Internet helps you find real-life groups and associations that help you expand your tribe.

* Share your goals/dreams with your friends/family. It's a lot easier for people to understand why you'd rather drink tap water at restaurant than alcohol when you tell them that you're trying to save up for a trip to Nepal. Point out that if you spend $5 per day on a drink, then that's $1,825 in a year - and that would allow you to live for several months in Nepal. Similarly, explain that you're living in a tiny studio apt (or an apt with roommates) because again, you can save $500 extra bucks a month, then that goes a long way to achieving whatever dream you're chasing. Once they understand your goals, they can more easily understand your "quirky" decisions.

* Remind your parents what they stand for. You can't pick new parents. However, most parents declare at some point, "I don't care what my child does, as long as he's not a drug dealer and as long as he's happy." Great. Remind them that they said this and ask them to live up to it. Say, "Mom/Dad, I am happiest doing what I'm doing. I'm sorry it doesn't match your expectations, but you claim that you just want me to be happy. Well, good news: I'm happy. Now leave me alone." Of course, say it more diplomatically, but you get the point.

Lastly, don't forget to visualize yourself on your deathbed, looking back on your life. What kind of life would you like to have had? What kind of life would leave you with a smile on your deathbed? Whatever is the answer: live that life.