June 29 - Fun In Finland
Finland is one of these nearly perfect societies.
Everything works.
Cities are clean.
There is no crime.
People are nice.
It is just that the winters suck.
Most people don't know where Finland is. The answer is simple: it's
where Santa Claus
lives. Really.
Even the Indians know this.
Somewhere north of Europe lies this country called Finland that's about
80% the size of
California. Here is a
map
so you can follow along my 10 day adventure.
HIKING ALL "NIGHT" AT THE ARCTIC CIRCLE ON JUNE 21
I celebrated the longest day of the year by going way north (east of
Kemijärvi) and
hiking the 80km (57 mile) Karhunkierros Trail. If you can say the name
of that trail, you
deserve a trip to Finland. It means the "Bear Trail."
It starts at a place called Hautajärvi, which means "Grave Lake."
With such cheerful names I wondered if it was smart hiking this trail
alone.
The rangers say it takes 4-6 days to hike it. However, I figured I
would pack light and
walk it in less time. Little did I know that a remote outhouse nearly
stopped me cold.
GETTING LOCKED IN AN OUTHOUSE
I started my hike at 5:30PM and planned to hike all night. After all,
the sun doesn't set
when you're above the Arctic Circle on the Summer Solstice. So it
really doesn't matter
when you hike.
At 11PM I ate some food in a deserted cabin and then went to use the
outhouse. Outhouses
have locks on the outside to prevent rodents and other creatures who
love feces from
getting in.
Somehow the outside latch closed, locking me in this smelly outhouse
with just a thin
rain jacket on. The temperatures at night would be around 5 degrees
Celsius, or 40
degrees F. Nobody was around.
"This stinks," I thought.
I tried all sorts of non-violent ways of getting out, but then I
thought, "Wait. I am an
American. Therefore, I must love violence and be a brute. Hell, I even
voted for Arnold
as my governor. What would he do?"
I decided that the old fashioned, just-bang-the-door-down method was
best.
After 20+ kicks (and nearly falling into the toilet), I managed to
break out.
The good news it that I didn't break the lock. The vibrations just made
it unlatch. I
breathed a sigh of relief (and some fresh air), and hiked the rest of
the night.
80 KM IN 30 HOURS
I stopped at a cabin in Jussinkämppä at 6:30AM. After 13
hours of hiking I had covered 45
km or over 30 miles.
I woke up four hours later. I walked the last 35 km, finished by
midnight, and stayed at
an adorable one person cabin at the pinnacle of a mountain with 360
degree views. What a
great ending!
What was my secret for covering 80km in 30 hours?
Endless sun and some fine friends pushing me along: a horde of
mosquitoes.
Only seeing the occasional reindeer would make me stop. And seeing
Santa Claus too.
HITCHHIKING TOWARDS OULU
I hitchhiked back to Kuusamo with a 36 year old Turkish man who had
been living in
Lapland for 17 years after marrying (and divorcing) a Finnish wife he
originally met on a
French beach.
Interestingly, this former body builder was completely pro-Bush and the
war in Iraq.
Maybe that's why he hasn't gone back to Turkey for a while.
I arrived in the west coast port city of Oulu. This quaint seaside town
was fun to walk
around. This French asshole was harassing this lovely Finnish girl
named Outi, so I
boldly intervened. OK, I really didn't know any of this was going on,
but Outi did and
kindly invited me to join her and some friends for some drinks by the
wharf. Before
bidding farewell, I learned a bit about the Finns.
SO WHAT ARE THE FINNS REALLY LIKE?
They were voted, "The Country Least Likely to Start World War III" for
good reason. They
are a peaceful people. Almost... too peaceful.
First came the Swedes who conquered them and ruled them for a while.
DID YOU KNOW THAT SWEDISH IS THE OFFICIAL SECOND LANGUAGE OF FINLAND?
Yes, it's a legacy from the imperialist Swedes. Many signs are written
in Swedish and
Finnish.
So do the Swedes speak Finnish? Of course not. After all, Swedish is
far more widely
spoken than Finnish, right? It is almost as popular as Norwegian.
But the pacifist Finns just take it. They let themselves be forced to
learn the useless
Swedish language instead of telling the Swedes the same thing the
French told the
Germans: "Listen, you assholes, if you want to talk to me, you talk to
me in English!"
Speaking of Germans....
DID YOU KNOW THAT THE FINNS WERE ALLIED WITH THE NAZIS?
The Finns are quick to point out that they didn't have a choice.
"We were only following orders....!!"
Seriously, the big Russian bear invaded their country. The USA wasn't
helping defend them
because we were still neutral. So Hitler looked like the only guy
around who could take a
good swipe at Stalin.
Like Israel, the Finns took back their territory and then some. But
unlike Israel (who
didn't side with the Nazis, by the way), the Finns got pushed back by
the end of the war.
The Nuremberg Trials taught the Finns not to side with the Third Reich:
they were forced
to cede more of their territory to the Russians as punishment. This
bummed them out,
which lead to another problem....
DID YOU KNOW THAT THE FINNS DRINK A LOT?
Like most northern countries, these guys drink like fish. They say it's
because there is
nothing to do during the dark, cold winter months. Good point.
DID YOU KNOW THE FINNS ALMOST NEVER GET ANGRY?
They are so calm it's creepy. The Germans are almost as stoic, but at
least they get mad
every once in a while and start a world war.
Even the Finns admit that they are horribly shy (unless they drunk).
However, I found 99%
of Finns to be very friendly and helpful once you start talking with
them. They are good
people, and we could all learn something from them, especially on how
to kill yourself.
DID YOU KNOW THAT THE FINNS HAVE THE HIGHEST SUICIDE RATE IN THE WORLD?
Well, they don't.
The non-confrontational Finns do not vehemently deny this often cited
statistic. It is
wrong.
However, Finland does make the top 10. They have 9 former Soviet
satellites beating them
out for the top prize of blowing your head off.
My guess is that pre-1989, those suicide stats were not available from
the Soviet Union,
because they were trying to give us the impression that Communism
produced happy people.
So Finland got stuck with the suicide label.
DID YOU KNOW THAT "DID YOU KNOW..." QUESTIONS CAN BE ANNOYING?
So I will stop.
I returned to Helsinki and visited a Medieval town (Porvoo), the former
capital of
Finland (Turku), and the southern most point of Finland (Hanko).
Finland was a great, wonderful country, filled with honest, helpful,
and good-hearted
people. I truly enjoyed myself.
Then again, most Finns told me that if I came in the winter time I
might have a different
impression....
NEXT STOP: ESTONIA!
Tomorrow I take a hydrofoil across the Gulf of Finland. The boat trip
takes a couple of
hours and puts me into Tallinn, the picturesque capital of Estonia. My
trip to Eastern
Europe will finally begin....
|
10PM at night on June 21. I started hiking at 5:30PM. Although it sure
looks pretty, there were TONS of mosquitoes!
Midnight and the sky still reflected against the water.
1AM looked something like this.
2AM looked like midnight as the sun hovered just below the horizon, and
then started to rise again around 3AM.
I eventually returned to Helsinki and spent an afternoon rocking out
with these teenagers who were singing songs like, "Knocking on Heaven's
Door." It's amazing that they know American songs that were written before
I was born! |
