Loving Lithuania

Lithuania doesn't suck

Everybody I talked with, especially in Latvia and Estonia, gave me the impression that Lithuania was the ugly sister in the Baltic trinity.

I met one Lithuanian in Finland who said that Latvians have a saying, "You're as dumb as a Lithuanian."

Demonstrating their profound originality, the Lithuanians have their own saying, "You're as dumb as a Latvian."

This dumb Lithuanian that I met didn't impressed me when she was "surprised by how many black people there are in Finland."

I said, "What black people?"

I talked with one black guy from DC who had been living in Finland for 8 years and he said his mom asked, "So are there any other brothers in Finland?"

He answered, "Yeah, there's another one. We're good friends."

So when this Lithuanian said with such disdain that there were so many blacks, I started believing the Latvian expression.

However, when I finally arrived in Vilnius, the capital of Lithuania, I was blown away by its beauty, history, and grace. The streets are enchanting and the architecture is spectacular. It's bigger and more stunning than any other city I've seen in the Baltics. Indeed, it's one of the best cities in Europe.

OK, the city is great but you still gotta wonder about the Lithuanians themselves...

Lithuanian logic

Some credit the Lithuanians with causing the collapse of the Soviet Union (they were the first Baltic country to challenge the Russians in the late 1980s). However, at their first democratic elections in 1992 they promptly voted in the ex-communist leader. That makes sense, right? Maybe to the Lithuanians.

Lithuanians are stubborn

About 100km west of Vilnius is Lithuania's second city: Kaunas. This is the Town That Was Just Not Meant To Be.

Founded in the 13th century, Kaunas has been reduced to ashes an amazing 13 times before WWII. And, as you would expect, it received yet another pummeling during WWII.

Why the residents don't get a clue and just give up on their idea of having a town in that location, I just don't know. Forget about guys, it's just not gonna happen!

But no, there are 415,000 stubborn denizens in Kaunas today, eagerly awaiting the day they can rebuild their city for the 15th time.

But there's two reasons you should visit Lithuania's beautiful capital and white sand beaches now and not later:

1) Over here, U.N. inspectors!

A terrifying arsenal of decomposing chemical weapons could wreak damage to the coast of Lithuania - and poison the entire Baltic Sea. About 40,000 bombs and mines lie on the seabed 70 nautical miles off Kaipeda where Soviet forces sank German ships. I ate some fish here while I could.

2) Coming soon to Lithuania: Chornobyl II

Lithuania, the most nuclear power-dependent country in the world, gets 80% of its electricity from the plant near the Belarus border. Experts rank it among the world's most dangerous nuclear installations. As Scotty on Star Trek would say, "Captain, I don't think I can hold her together much longer, she's gonna blow!"

It's not the first time Belarus has an unstable nuclear power plant on its border. Chornobyl, in Ukraine, blew up in 1986 and most of the nuclear debris landed on Belarus. Given the winds, the same will happen if Lithuania's power plant melts down. Real estate agents in Belarus have a tough sell.

Despite the EU spending $250M in the last decade to improve the plant's safety, it's still not good enough. The EU now wants to completely shut it down, but doing that costs a staggering $3.5 billion!

Given that Lithuania's annual tax revenues are a paltry $1.5 billion (and they have $6.5 billion in debt), there is no way they're gonna pay for it. Maybe Belarus will pay...

Into Belarus

Speaking of Belarus, that is my next stop. I excited because this country is almost impossible to get into. So it's gotta be good, right?

Um... I'll find out.

July 21, 2004